Single people often find themselves in lonely circumstances.
They
want friendships and feel the isolation of being alone.
Because of situations all too common in our world, even married people can experience
loneliness. God recognized that Adam had a problem and
provided him
the perfect solution—a woman to be his wife. God, as the
source of
every perfect gift (James 1:17), knew just how to form the
woman.
God had made Adam from the ground. “Adam” is related to the
Hebrew word
adamah,
which means “ground.” But, instead of using
more soil to make Eve, God caused Adam to fall into a deep
sleep and
made Eve out of one of Adam’s ribs (Genesis 2:21-22). The
Hebrew word
translated “made” is banah,
usually translated as “build.” God literally
built Eve. Ever loving, kind and merciful, God took great
delight in forming her, physically and mentally, to be the perfect complement
for Adam.
Scripture emphasizes another aspect of the first marital
relationship.
Because God made Eve from one of Adam’s ribs, an undeniable
bond
existed between Adam and Eve. This point was undoubtedly
significant
to Adam. His first recorded words regarding Eve were, “This
is now bone
of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman
because she was taken out of Man ”
(verse 23). Adam
recognized his link to this wondrous creature named Eve. She
was part
of him, and he was part of her.
The First marriage
This account does not tell us what Adam and Eve were
thinking or
how they felt while they got to know each other. But in the
next two
verses we learn the outline of marriage as established by
God.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be
joined to
his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were
both naked, the
man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (verses 24-25).
Let’s examine
this outline more closely.
Leave one’s father and mother
An important aspect of marriage is
leaving “father and mother,” as God
instructed, to establish a new family unit. Adam and Eve did
not have
physical parents to leave, but future
generations would need to apply this
instruction. Honoring parents and
seeking their advice is advisable, but
newlyweds need to remember that they
are a new family unit. Just because
things were done a particular way in
your family does not mean your spouse
will want to do things the same way.
Two people must learn to work together in marriage, showing
respect
and love to each other. Such an approach follows the
biblical principles
of wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving
and honoring their wives (Ephesians 5:22, 25; 1 Peter 3:1, 7). Establishing
family
guidelines and traditions in an atmosphere of love and
respect gives the
newly married couple a foundation on which to build their
lives.
Be joined together
Another principle from Genesis 2:24 is that a husband should
be
“joined” to his wife. Other translations say he should
“cling” or “cleave”
to her. Today we would say he should bond with her. Other
than God, she should be his highest commitment.
The biblical text is clear that a man should build this
special, close
relationship with his wife. The idea of clinging to multiple
partners is
foreign to this account.
An important aspect of marriage is leaving “father and
Also, since about a third of married men and a fourth of
married
women in the United States admit to having indulged in
adulterous
affairs, we shouldn’t be surprised that approximately half
of American
marriages end in divorce. These are all part of the vicious
and destructive cycle that ensues when we ignore God’s direction regarding sex
and
marriage.
The way to reverse the trend of broken marriages and
safeguard one’s
own relationship is simple: Accept and practice God’s
instruction to
restrict sex to marriage. Such an approach shows honor and
respect for
the sexuality God has given us.
In this approach, sex is not cheapened or lowered to a
common
animal behavior. Instead it is an honorable act reserved for
the most
intimate human relationship of all, entered into with the
most honorable
intentions. Not ashamed
The last principle from God’s first guidelines for marriage
reveals
that Adam and Eve were naked but not embarrassed by their
nakedness
(Genesis 2:25). Since they were the only two people on the
planet,
privacy was not an issue. Sexuality was not and is not
intrinsically dirty
or shameful.
Within marriage a husband and wife should feel comfortable
with each
other’s masculinity or femininity. But revealing too much of
one’s body
to other members of the opposite sex outside of marriage
invites the
breaking of God’s commands against lust and unlawful sexual
relations.
Jesus warned that “whoever looks at a woman to lust for her
has
already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew
5:28). Men
and women alike need to control their minds and dress
modestly to
discourage sexual arousal and temptation outside of
marriage.
Again, these actions show respect for our sexuality, respect
for others
and respect for God—the Author of these instructions. People
who live
by these guidelines are not prudish nor so mentally
constricted that they
do not enjoy sex when they
are
married.
“Several years ago,
researchers did a study on who was having the best
sex. Conventional wisdom says that the people who are having
the best
sex are those who’ve had a lot of experience with a variety
of partners,
and who feel free from rules and regulations about sexual
activity—
in other words, the people who have sex whenever they want
with
whomever they want.
“Guess what? Conventional wisdom is wrong. According to the
studies, married Christian women are having the best sex.
That’s right.
Church women are the most satisfied group of sexually active
people.
I’m betting their husbands are pretty happy, too” . Put
simply, those who follow God’s instructions are the people
enjoying sex
the most and receiving the greatest satisfaction!
Godly
leadership
within
marriage
In Paul’s explanation that marriage is similar to the
relationship
between Christ and the Church, he also teaches us about
leadership
within the husband-wife relationship. Just as Jesus is the
head of the
Church, husbands are to be the leaders within their
marriages: “For the
husband is head of the wife, as
also Christ is head of the church
.
.
.” (Ephesians 5:23).
The way Jesus leads the
Church is the way husbands
should lead their wives. Jesus
was and is “.
.
. the Savior of the
body”—the Church (verse 23).
He literally gave His life in love
for the Church.
With this thought in mind,
Paul instructed husbands in the
way they should lead: “Hus
-
bands, love your wives, just as
Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that
He might
sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the
word, that He
might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having
spot or wrin
-
kle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and
without blemish.
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own
bodies; he
who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his
own flesh,
but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the
church”
(verses 25-29).
When a leader exhibits the kind of love and commitment that
Jesus
showed the Church, it’s easy to follow such a person. We
know that this
kind of leader always has our best interests at heart.
Paul’s teaching to
husbands was that they needed to be the kind of leaders who
would also
be easy for their wives to follow.
Based on this expectation of husbands, Paul taught wives to
“submit
God’s Instruction Manual for Marriage
Husbands and wives who fully and mutually submit themselves
to the pattern Paul reveals usually find happiness and
peace.
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and
Family:
The Missing Dimension
to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is
head of the
wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the
Savior of the
body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so
let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything”
Mutual submission in love
Not understanding the beautiful context and loving
leadership these
instructions are built on, some wives have refused to say
that they will
submit to their husbands. Sometimes men and women alike have
mistakenly assumed these instructions were sexist and demeaning to women.
But in the context of Paul’s explanation, this instruction
is most respectful
of both sexes and represents an important key for happy
marriages.
Husbands and wives
who are continually
fighting each other over
authority and control
experience a level of
conflict and misery that
often leads to divorce.
Husbands and wives
who fully and mutually
submit themselves to the
pattern Paul reveals usually find happiness and
peace.
When genuine love and respect prevail in a marriage, the
husband
and wife learn much from each other. Each brings strengths into
the
relationship. For example, wives often excel in
relationship-related needs.
Husbands often have a strong orientation toward problem
solving.
Husbands and wives who become aware early in their marriage
that
each brings strengths to some aspects of their relationship
and discuss
how they together can use those strengths to their mutual
advantage gain
the most from His instructions.
But mates who “beat each other over the head” with
scriptures intended to benefit
their relationship miss the point. Some abusive husbands,
with little or no respect for their wives’ feelings or contributions,
will command them to submit, and some hotheaded wives retort
that
they’ll submit only when their husbands start acting the way
they should.
The key here is that each person must do his or her part.
Each must apply the instruction given him or her. Although
individuals can positively influence their mates by their unilateral actions,
it
is far better when both the husband and wife accept and live
by God’s
instructions for their respective roles in marriage.
As one might expect, God’s instructions for marriage have
proven
to be the best way to experience peace and happiness.
Studies show that couples who do not live together before
marriage
handle conflict more easily, communicate better and are less
likely to
divorce. They also show that a majority of men and women (60
percent)
believe that the sexual relationship is more satisfying
within the marriage
union.
Considering known statistics (for example, that one of every
four Americans will contract a sexually transmitted disease, a disorder preventable
by practicing godly guidelines), it becomes obvious that God’s
teachings are superior to anything devised by man. God’s way
protects
us and offers us the greatest opportunity for happiness.
Marriage is one of God’s most wonderful gifts to mankind. It
is a
treasure worth working on, cherishing and sustaining. His
instructions
are as valid today as ever. To follow them is to make the
honorable,
godly choice. No shame comes from following God’s
instructions—only
beneficial and lasting rewards. In the next two chapters
we’ll see what
these principles look like in dating and marriage.
Marriage is one of God’s most wonderful gifts. It is a
treasure worth working on. No shame comes from following
God’s instructions
for our children and best for society, Paul said people
would focus on
their own perceived needs and wants.
Economic needs are commonly cited as the reason children are
placed
in day care facilities. The reality, however, is that many
times most of
the money earned ends up being spent on the day care itself
and eating
out because no one has been at home to prepare a meal.
Even though true financial gains can sometimes be obtained,
a
commendable number of parents have now given their
children’s needs
the highest priority and are choosing a lower standard of
living so they
can have a higher standard of family. While some mothers
remain at
home with their children to accomplish this, others are
finding work
when their husband is at home with the children or doing
work that can
be done from home.
The suffering being experienced by so many today is
reversible.
We and our children do not have to be victims. Being a good
parent
means putting our children’s needs ahead of our own desires.
If you
have
children, why not give them what they want and need—a
positive,
encouraging home where they are taught God’s standards by
both of
their biological parents living together in peace?
In the next chapter, we’ll consider how parents can
effectively teach
their children God’s timeless truths.
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