blame

If you blame others, you’re all but guaranteed

to enjoy this state forever, because the only

way the situation is likely to change is if you

act.

I know it’s hard—it feels good to be right, and

this situation shows that you’re clearly right,

and someone else is wrong. But think about it,

wouldn’t you rather be happy than right?

Wouldn’t you rather not be someone to feel

sorry for?

Perhaps the hardest part of this is knowing

that if you let go of what happened, stop

blaming whoever caused it, stop feeling

entitled to special consideration because of it,

stop being the victim, and stop wanting to be

rescued, that means you’ll have to make a big

change. You’ll have to take charge of your own

life and decide where to go from here. I know

that’s really scary! But it’s worth it. It’s

impossible to be happy unless you do.

Here’s an example of the alternative. One

blogger did a series of posts on bullying and

how we as a society need to stop it. In

response, thousands of readers have written to

him about how they were bullied as kids and it

destroyed their self-esteem. He quoted a

sampling, all adults writing that they still feel

worthless because of the bullying they received

in high school.23

Think about that for a second. Decades ago,

some kid said a bunch of mean things...and

43

now, half a lifetime later, those remarks are

still defining life for a grown man or woman.

How sad and utterly wasteful is that?

Don’t be one of those people. Bad things

happen, and some people suffer them and go

on to live amazing lives, and some people

suffer them and go on to be lifelong victims,

forever defined by what some asshole said in

high school.

It sounds crazy to choose to be unhappy so

people will feel sorry for you, but a lot of

people do just that. Don’t be one of them. You

can take charge of your own life and pull

yourself up to happiness. Let go of the

victimization, entitlement, rescue, and blame.

All four of these are just forms of voluntary

helplessness. Why be helpless when you can

be awesome instead?

Choose to be amazing. It may not be easy, but

living a meaningful life isn’t. Being happy does

require effort on your part, but once you get

started, it feeds itself and gets easier and

easier.