own worst enemy

 own worst enemy

For years I had been my own worst enemy,

getting myself into all kinds of stupid situations

and causing trouble for myself, and then piling

it on by being my own harshest critic and

judge. That night, I started being my own best

friend instead. It takes a little practice, but it’s

not that hard, and it really works.

Remember, the first step is recognizing when

you’re getting into a bogus thought pattern. If

you start feeling upset or thinking everything is

terrible, awful, never, or always, that’s an

indicator that you’re making yourself upset.

That’s right, it’s not events or other people that

make you upset, it’s your beliefs about what’s

going on and your reactions to them. Of course

we’d rather good things happen, but how you

react when anything happens is up to you.

Your feelings come from your thoughts, and

we’ve just seen that your thoughts are not

always right. When your thoughts are causing

you to freak out, you need to change them.

Once you recognize that you’re in a bogus

thought pattern, study and dispute it. Ask

yourself what thoughts are behind what you’re

feeling. Then look at each one. Is it true? Do

you have proof? How does it make you feel? Is

there another interpretation for the situation

that’s equally true but not upsetting?

In my case, it’s often one copy of my voice in

my head (Critical Me) attacking another copy

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(Weak Me): “You never do anything right. Why

are you even trying? You’ll fail at this, just like

you’ve failed at tons of other things, and

everyone will know! You’ll be a laughing stock!”

I’ve found the quickest way to defuse that is to

have a third copy of my voice (Advocate Me)

stand up to Critical Me, just like I would stand

up to someone who was bullying my friend:

“Hey, [me] has done plenty of things right! You

can’t expect to do things perfectly on the first

try, but failing is good—it’s part of learning,

and it’s not permanent unless you quit. Maybe

there are some mean people who would laugh

if this ends poorly, but probably not, and who

cares about them even if they do exist? [Me] is

an all right sort who’s doing the best she can,

so lay off.”

It sounds ridiculous and crazy, but I’ve found it

very effective. In fact, I hardly ever even need

to do it any more. That’s partly because my life

has settled down quite a bit, but mostly, I just

don’t think such harsh things about myself any

more. By standing up to Critical Me and

disputing her thoughts, I’ve retrained myself to

be more accurate and more pleasant in my

thoughts. I highly recommend this—my head is

a much nicer place to be as a result